Tuesday, 8 September 2009

Mixing ur drinks

Ok... so my last blog was a little all over the place... i ask for your humble forgiveness :D

well.. where do i start?
my life feels like a bit of a hurricane atm.... im moving states.. its scares me..
i've never been scared to move before, its like i have itchy feet... new adventures, new surroundings all that.. this time... im scared. i fear the unknown and for the first time in my tumultuous life... im unnerved...
im very much a "free spirit"... never succumbing to peer pressure.. never conforming to society's view of a "normal" person... ok that just sounds wrong. now i make myself sound like im not normal... i am my own kind of normal.. i live life with optimistic eyes... live every day like its my last (well i try to... doesnt always work that way)... but my life has been my own adventure, my own beautiful disaster, my own daydream of what ifs and what nots... i have learnt to never regret what you've done or where you've been ... a wise man once told me.. when you're at the lowest point in life, thats when you are strongest within yourself... therefore...
i dont want your sympathy, i have no need for it. i dont want an apology, its too late for that... i never wanted u to hurt me, yet you did... i never wanted to fall so hard yet i couldnt stop.. now where am i? im in love-lust-hate-need-want with you... and that leaves me feeling scared and lost... thats not who i am... im not that naive little girl i once was... i grew up, faster than any other yet you make me feel like im a child lost in wonder and i need love to keep me safe... is love enough to keep me here? is love enough to keep me secure?
i wonder sometimes how much any one person can give before she's finished..
i got to that point with my ex... i gave EVERYTHING and in the end, i had no fight left, i couldnt fight for us to work, i couldnt fight to break up.. i had nothing left.
i made a point of never going there again and i never will...
life's a journey... but to me... its my lifelong adventure.. and i will be triumphant..
sorry.. again.. ramblings
im all over the place.
maybe im not normal
*insert evil laugh mwah ha ha ha*

stay safe and leme know if its good :D